A Devil In The House

Alvin, don’t play the fish in the tank. See two of them are swimming up side down.

Oh! Alvin, stop eating your nose shit. It’s so disgusting!

Alvin, please don’t play your “little bird” or it won’t grow up one day.

Contest chair, ladies and gentlemen, Believe it or not. There is a devil in my house! I am so shamed to tell you. Because you may think “Like mother, like son” Yap! It is my second son, Alvin!!

When I was first pregnant with Alvin, I was really hoping that it would be a girl. However, no matter what I dreamed and prayed for, the ultrasound tells no lies because we saw his little “BROTHER” and I knew my second child is not a…GIRL. Sometimes, I even imagine how my baby girl would look. So, one day I put the skirt, hello kitty, flowers whatever, even a wig on Alvin. (show photo) See! Isn’t he beautiful?

Alvin has a bad habit, he doesn’t like to cover the blanket when sleeping. I was always trying to solve this problem. I found that he is afraid of ghosts very much. One night, I threatened him and told him, “The ghost will cut your legs if you don’t cover your blanket!” During the night, I entered his room and sneakily marked a Knife on his leg. The next morning when he woke up, I said “Ho! Alvin, there is a mark on your leg. This was what the ghost wrote last night when you were sleeping. Because you don’t like to cover the blanket so the ghost got the chance to touch you. Since then, he sleeps very tight with his blanket even wraps himself like a… mummy.

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My little devil also has another problem- he is always in a very bad mood when he wakes up. One day, he even brought his 吉普賽face to a breakfast shop.

J: Hurry up. You’re going to be late again. Eat faster!

A: I don’t want to eat. See! I don’t like the color of my straw, the egg is over cooked, the milk tea is too sweet…… balabala

J: Come on! That has nothing to do with your breakfast.     BANG! He became so angry that he suddenly pushed the dining table over!

Every evening I have another hard time to battle with him because he hates to do his homework. I can say that he is really my nightmare.

J: Alvin, get your home work done now.

A: Tell me why I have to do my home work. I seldom see my brother doing that much.

J: Oh! You know your brother doesn’t eat a lot like you and is not as fat as you are. So, do you have to do whatever he does?

A: Why do you call me I’m a fat boy? I hate you. You’re the ugliest and fattest mom I’ve ever seen!

I started getting angry because he thought I am …FAT. I thought it’s time for me to give him a lesson. So I turned off all lights in the room. Then I turned on the flash light and put it under my chin. I pretended to be a …ghost.

J: Alvin, move your ass and start working on your homework.

A: Mom?

J: I’m not your Mom. I’m a ghost. Don’t piss me off. “GET YOUR HOMEWORK DONE RIGHT NOW!”

Alvin went to the desk in a very quick pace and started working on his homework without making a glace on the ghost at all. I thought he was scared to death.

Every evening, the ghost drama played again and again in my place. It’s like a popular Taiwanese soap opera “天下第一味.” You would probably say that” Oh! Jessie must be sick and she is a tyrant. However, I know that playing a ghost works and it would help me achieve my goal. In fact, I do not want him to be a “俗辣” after he grows up. Now, however, this little devil is become more and more like a little angel. And I finally can sleep well. Oh! No! Here comes another devil. That is Toastmaster speech contest.