Be Ourselves

    “Who am I?” How many of you have a clear answer to this question? Raise your hand, please. Good. Hope my sharing today will inspire some of you to start a whole new life when you walk out this door.

     Am I a mother, a wife? After my children went to university, I started to wonder who I am. These days, I looked back my life from a different angle and I clearly concluded that I want to be ME!

    “Live each day, as if it were your last day.” When I heard Angel’s speech in ALE.I asked myself “Do I really love myself?’, “Do I really enjoy each day in my life?” When I was a child, my parents said, “Painting can not help you to earn a living, don’t do it.” So I quit the interest I love so much. I did everything to please my parents, even I don’t like it. When I met my Mr. Right, he said, “Don’t go to Arabia and marry me!” “OK!” After being married, I took the role of being Mrs. Huang, and then a mother with two kids. My husband said “Quit you job, take care of our son, because he needs mother’s love.” “OK!” “Take the judge’s test, it’s good for your daughter to be a gymnast.” the coach said. Then I became a gymnast’s coach and judge. Everything I did, I did it just for my family.

      I worked hard, struggling to run the family and learn everything I should learn. Experts said, “The best way to learn English is to give your children a complete English environment.” So I tried to improve my English ability and read English stories for them every day.

      Sometimes I would ask myself, “If there is a chance to make the decision again, would you still sacrifice so much for the family?” “Yes. Absolutely YES.” I love my family; and I did everything without pay for them anyway. It is impossible to love and to be wise, isn’t it?

       Since my kids have attended college. I have more free time for myself and I want my old life back. I remember during the last outing, Cindy and I wondered along the mountain path looking at stars high above. Cindy said, “It seems that we were back to our college life.” Yes, it did. It feels so good to stay with friends.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining being a wife or a mom all these years. I have a very happy marriage. I am very lucky to have a thoughtful husband. Most of my girl friends said, “The only space they have in their house is the kitchen.” But my dear husband designed a classroom and a wonderful studio for me at the top floor in our new house. He used his creativity to support and help me realize my dream.

      Can money buy happiness for you? Sometimes! But it’s not always. I started to work for my interest and made some money at the same time. I always have a dream “Teach children to enjoy learning English.” I remembered that when I was a student, I hated English because I hated to memorize the vocabulary and grammar. And the English tests were always terrible nightmares to me. But now I lecture twelve English lessons every week. And I am very proud to say, “My students come here with joy and learn a lot in my class.”

First, I build up their listening and speaking by playing games or singing chants. After they are familiar with Basic English words, I help them to read on their own and then write down their ideas. When they get hold of story books, they can hardly wait to read them. Kids are always curious about next stories which inspire their motivation to read more.

     The tuition for each hour is only 500 NT. One of my friend said, “You seem to run a charity business.” “If you charge more money, parents will show much respect to you.” However, in my opinion, I started the class just for helping children to take delight in learning English, instead of suffering the pressure from it. So I really enjoy it. Seeing kid’s improvement with a smiling face is the only thing that matters and it makes me really happy.

Being a mom, it was a painful process to learn “let go” when children grow up. We usually know the right thing to do, but the hard part is doing it! We should all remind ourselves that “Pain is inevitable and suffering is an option”. So, set them free and give them a chance to be independent and be themselves. Besides, we can save more time to love ourselves. Have a cup of coffee with old friends. Buy a gift for ourselves. Play 麻將 with Jessie. Enjoy a hot spring shower together. Wow! That’s great! But when I am alone in the midnight, there were a voice deep in my mind. It yelled, “Is that really who I am?” “Is that the real meaning of my life?”

      Looking around, seeing carefully. That’s easy to see many people suffering in life. “Hung” was just for ten dollars left. The students have no money to pay their lunch. What’s happen to the country? I wish I could help. How to do it? I saved 5000NT every month for the poor students. But that’s still not enough! I would like to invite all of you to join the great love. Think about it, save the money of a feast or a cup of tea, helping people, the wonderful feeling will pass out and infect others, then it will come back to you with love.

     Love doesn’t grow on the trees like apples in Eden; it’s something you have to pursue. What kind of life do you like to have? It’s up to you. Don’t just sit over there feeling depressed and angry because you can’t change the way you are. We should have the passion as what we had in youth, set some goals and plan to reach it in the rest of our lives. If we have strong desires and passion, then gray hair is not a signal of age, but a symbol of wisdom.